"For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it." (Matthew 19:4)
Friday, March 22, 2013
Would it be wrong if an asexual person married? In God’s eyes is an asexual couple sinning because they are not intimate with each other? If this is a sin, what do they do if they can’t fulfill this commandment? Is divorce an option?
What is “asexuality”?
“Asexuality” is not a topic many are very familiar with. Usually the term (in its modern usage when discussing humans) is understood as meaning “nonsexuality”, or “the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity" (wikipedia).
Basically when one identifies themselves as being “asexual” they are saying that they do not have any sexual attraction to anyone and at times are unable to perform sexually at all. (Note: Although not being discussed in this post, the term “asexual” is also used in science to discuss an organism with no sex organs).
Does an asexual person have to get married?
There is no command in the Bible for a person to get married. In fact, some in the Bible purposely decided to live a life a celibacy so they may be more focused on working for God (such as the Apostle Paul).
The Bible does present marriage as an outlet for heterosexual desire. (1 Corinthians 7:1-2) states: “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband”. This however is not the only purpose for marriage.
A person does not have to get married. If a person does not think they would want to ever be intimate with a spouse, they may choose to not get married and become a “eunuch” (a person who cannot have sex).
What if an asexual person or couple gets married, do they have to be sexually intimate with each other?
A couple who cannot or does not want to have sex may still want to get married. I do not see any reason why a man and women could not get married even if they do not plan on having sex. It is true that one of the natural God ordained purposes of marriage is sexual intimacy, but it some marriages that might not be able to take place. Some examples of this may be a couple in which one or both parties has a disability, injury or illness, that prevents them from being able to have intercourse.
If both parties equally did not have any sex drive (both being asexual), but still loved and remained faithful to each other while fulfilling the many duties a husband and a wife have, this marriage would still be pleasing to God. If person has no sex drive, adultery would not really be a temptation and thus the teaching to meet each other’s sexual needs (1 Corinthians 7:5) would not apply, because no sexual needs existed.
Some have promoted the idea that a marriage does not take place unless sexual intercourse occurs. This is not true, the marriage happens when a person enters into the marriage covenant by saying the equivalent to “I do”. A paraplegic may not be able to have sex, but if he or she gets married, the marriage bond still exists and requirements of faithfulness still apply.
What if only one person in a marriage relationship has sexual desires?
If one person in a marriage did not have an active sex drive but the other person did, the asexual person would still be expected to meet the reasonable sexual needs of their spouse. Often in a marriage only one person will have the desire to be sexually intimate at a given time. Marriage is about meeting the needs of your spouse, and although one person might not find the same pleasure in sexual activity, they can still be pleased with the fact that they are pleasing their spouse and fulfilling their sexual needs.
It is not a sin to not have a sex drive, however, one may want to seek some professional Christian counseling to find out if their might be something psychological that could be remedied through counseling. One should also visit a Medical Doctor to see if it is some type of hormonal imbalance or other physical condition. Just because one does not have a desire to be sexually intimate, does not mean that they are not pleasing to God. In fact, it may open doors for more dedicated service to Him.
If a person or persons who are “asexual” decide to get married, just because they cannot have sex does not mean they should divorce. I imagine that through creativity and communication they will be able to find ways to be pleasing to their spouse, romantically, physically, emotionally etc..
If one feels they do not have a sex drive or if they have a condition that makes it impossible for them to engage in sexual activity, honesty and openness dictate that they reveal this to a potential spouse prior to committing to marriage.
Post by Cliff Sabroe - Quotations from NASB95 Bible and Wikipedia (Asexuality)